After I got done cleaning the kitchen�.I made a big pot of tater chowder�then I cleaned the kitchen again.
I'm pretty sure before I go to bed�I'll have to clean the kitchen.
Dirty kitchens cause me great anxiety�and living here, I am often anxious. I look back at the days where I had total control over the kitchen situation and I wonder is it's all worth it. To me, cleaning the kitchen does not mean scraping the dirty dishes into the dirty sink and flicking a dirty rag lightly over the dirty counters. Loading the dishwasher does not count as cleaning the kitchen either.
I use soap and hot water when I clean the kitchen, hell sometimes I even use bleach.
At potlucks I always ask (as discretely as possible), "Who made this [insert potluck dish here]?" Then I quickly assess the person's physical appearance, dirty hair and fingernails always translate into a dirty kitchen my friends. A big clump of pet hair hanging from the clothing is another potluck faux pas. If you don't believe me, go ahead and eat the pistachio fluff, I am not risking a hairball.
Anyway, I digress�the point is�what the fuck is so hard about cleaning the goddamn kitchen? Don't even get me started on the island. That's where we throw our keys, newspapers, junk mail, 3,992,004 pens, scrap paper, magazines and little note pads. Missing kids? Jimmy Hoffa? The Lindbergh baby? I'm certain they are on the island somewhere, buried beneath the rubble. And when it's time to eat, the island is cleaned by shoving everything against the wall to make room for a bowl that will most likely be thrown into the dirty sink.
Cleaning the island requires renting tools from the archeology department at the university. Sometimes the excavation project is filled with the joy of finding 17 cents or last years Crate and Barrel Holiday Gift Catalog. Usually I turn into my Mother, as I dramatically clean up the mess to show everyone what a martyr I truly am.
I think my way of getting even, is to start throwing all of the trash down the laundry chute. Let's fight fire with fire, shall we?
Ooooo.....scroll down and read my new Sedaris quote!
Now Playing: