Let's see how this feels [ March 20, 2008, 9:19 p.m. ]


Look who�s back.

Actually, I�ve never been gone..I was cheating over at myspace for a bit. But there is something about myspace that just fucking reeks of desperation. It�s like a room full of posers. You have the popular kids with their fancy backgrounds, music and pics of all their popular friends at the most popular hotspots.

Then you have me�with a few pictures of some pies I baked and absolutely no information listed for fear of someone I �work with� ever finding me. And the fact that I was supporting Rupert Murdoch made me a tad sick to my stomach.

So here I sit..wondering what the hell I can say after having gone MIA for so long.

Lets catch up with the things that haven�t changed�I�m still with R. I still have the same job. I still live in the swampy end of Lake Erie. I still scream at traffic the ENTIRE way to work. I still fucking love coffee (although I have it under control). I still have insomnia. I still like to cook. I still have the most hateful bird in the world. I still love to garden. I have hummingbirds (when the place isn�t covered with snow�and btw..we have a winter storm warning for tomorrow�again!)

The changes:

My beloved Henry died in October after a lengthy battle with lupus. I have his little box of ashes, his paw print and his favorite toy on my dresser. I think about him a lot. I still look for him sometimes when I come home or when I get up in the morning. I rarely talk about it.

We got a new cat a few months before Henry died. We thought he might feel better with a buddy. We named him Squeak. He was a rescue that had been severely abused and burned by his previous owner. He lived under R�s bed for the first 2 months. We couldn�t touch him for months. Now he�s the most loveable, affectionate cat I�ve ever had. And just like every other pet I�ve ever had�.he�s a complete freak show. He�s pawing at me right now, he wants attention. I�ll post a pic when I can remember how to do it. I�m not in the mood right now to remind myself.

R�s daughter and grandson lived with us for about 6 months. She said she needed to get away from bad influences, she wanted to stop using drugs. I didn�t want her here..I didn�t want to take care of her kid. I�m not good with kids which is why I�m a fag. It�s the most perfect way to prevent fatherhood. I was able to look at the situation a little more objectively than R. I knew better than to believe anything she said. R and I fought and fought about it. He�s enabled her for years. She fucks up, crawls back and he �helps.� She promises to change and doesn�t until she needs something again. The cycle continues. It�s killing him and I can�t do anything about it. I fear for her child. Britney can lose her kids but apparently smoking crack in front of a 5yo isn�t considered abuse. I�m waiting for the day her dealer shows up and robs us..or she sells her son for drugs. I have nothing to say to her anymore. I want her sober but OUT OF MY LIFE.
Bitter�table of one?

I bought a cool motherfucking car.

The writer�s strike taught me I like Brigitte Nielsen. I learned Project Runway is a fucking awesome show (and I hate clothes and fashion). I�m sad I missed the other seasons.

I actually feel bad for Britney. I still think she�s a no-talent mess but that�s not her fault. That�s our fault. We let her think she was good. Now she�s unraveling and the entire country is holding a bucket of popcorn and gorging on the details.

War? Is there a war? They just hauled Britney off to the hospital. Lindsay is drinking again. So-and-so showed her tits!

I could give a fuck. I have real shit on my mind.

Maybe, just maybe I�ll share it.

Maybe not.

Only time will tell.

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